Written by Brendan Cooney
Gather what little you have, be grateful for it, and share it.
Discovering New Life is Possible while Journeying into what is often the Desolate Land of our Inner World
The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.”
Mark 6:30-31
Mark 6:30-44 (ESV Version)
30 The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. 31 And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. 32 And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves. 33 Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them.
34 When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. 35 And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. 36 Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.” 37 But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii[a] worth of bread and give it to them to eat?”
38 And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.” And when they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.” 39 Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. 41 And taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all. 42 And they all ate and were satisfied. 43 And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. 44 And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men.
This story from the Bible mirrors the experience of daily living and the invitation into the stillness and silence of our own hearts, and the chaos that follows that movement. Or, perhaps more accurately, is even waiting for us in the stillness, silence, and solitude.
The disciples return from their work they had been sent to do, proud of what the successes and what they have accomplished. Christ responds by immediately inviting them away from everything that they felt a sense of accomplishment for, a sense of meaning and identity. He invited them to go and find rest by entering into a desolate place, somewhere far from the distractions and pressures of life in order to rest. Away from all the things they found their personal sense of value, worth, and identification. Inviting them back into being themselves.
What they experience when they attempt to do this, is that the crowds, those whom they had been serving and working with, have outrun them and were already waiting in the stillness in silence of that desolate place on the other side of the lake. Now, it was neither still, silent, nor even desolate. They found that space to be full of the same pressure and noise they sought relief from.
“He invited them to go and find rest by entering into a desolate place, somewhere far from the distractions and pressures of life in order to rest. Away from all the things they found their personal sense of value, worth, and identification. Inviting them back into being themselves.“
What they experience when they attempt to do this, is that the crowds, those whom they had been serving and working with, have outrun them and were already waiting in the stillness in silence of that desolate place on the other side of the lake. Now, it was neither still, silent, nor even desolate. They found that space to be full of the same pressure and noise they sought relief from.
Like and “good” or generous man or woman, the disciples continued to serve the crowds! Sacrificing what little remaining energy and will they could. Eventually, they grew weary and just asked for relief and release from the burden of caring for the crowds. They hit their limit! Now, drained and tired, perhaps even frustrated that they didn’t find the rest they went looking for, they just wanted the crowds gone. They wanted peace and quiet. They wanted rest.
Instead, Christ invites them to search for what they already possess, knowing that it will be enough. The meager scraps that they find are taken, blessed, broken, and shared, and there is more than enough to go around.
In the same way, the meditative practice of centering prayer, offers us a unique invitation and opportunity. It is the invitation to pause and be still and silent for 20 minutes, an invitation to come away from the pressures and work that can come to define our lives, our meaning, our purpose. In this space, we move into our inner worlds, what feels like a desolate place with nothing to offer except the chance to rest and be with our true selves.
Yet, what we often find when we try to observe even a moment of rest in stillness and silence, is that the people and the noise and the pressure and the work of our daily lives have already outrun us and are waiting for us there. We come to the shores of our inner world and find more chaos and demands then we might have experienced had we just kept our normal course and rhythms. For many people, silence and solitude, even just in our own minds, is an overwhelming experience.
But, as we move into this desolate land with intentionality, we are able to confront and encounter the presence of the chaotic crowds that wait for us there. With humility and intent, we can be with the sources of our struggles and our pain without attempting to fight or resist them, without attempting to dismiss them like they’re not also a part of us, we’re able to approach the source of Divine life within us. We don’t always know how to ask, but the request is always the same: give me rest, give me relief.
In the process of centering prayer, and the experience within our inner worlds, the Divine love and light invites us to do something surprising and confounding: share what you have, for what you have and who you are is enough.
We don’t always know how to ask, but the request is always the same: give me rest, give me relief.
It will never feel like what we have is enough, however, at least not for some time. Instead, we will look around at the desolate place of our inner world and maybe feel a sense of dread, shame, grief, or overwhelm at the impossibility of being able to care for all of the chaos, noise, pain, and demands on our heart. Yet, the movement of the meditative practice of centering prayer mirrors the invitation of Christ: release and return. Gather what little you have, be grateful for it, and share it.
This soul-level movement does not mean focusing on or attempting to resolve the complexities and challenges we find in our inner world, focusing our creativity and imagination on mere problem solving. Instead, it looks more like inviting the complexities, questions, fears, and hurts to join us for a peaceful moment.
In essence, we learn how to relate to our experiences, emotions, and thoughts differently by inviting them sit down with us next to, or within, the stream of consciousness and life that bubbles up from within us. The origins of this stream lie within the Presence and Source of all that we are and can be.
In this movement, repeated over and over again during a time of intentional solitude and silence, through the act of returning to a single word or phrase that embodies our intent to just be with God in this desolate place, we learn to find rest. We learn to find rest that not only nourishes and feeds our soul and spirit during the time of centering prayer, but soon begins to overflow into the experience of moment by moment waking life. This desolate place becomes a garden, bearing fruit as a source of love and light not just for us, but for everyone we encounter, for creation, and for the cosmos.
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